I will be there.

When you are rushing from place to place,
Know that I will be there.
When you feel the wind on your face,
Reach out and hold my hand.
I will be there.
Friends may turn against you.
I will hold you in my embrace.
You may be scared.
I’m scared too.
Life isn’t meant to be lived alone.
We all need someone to hold.
When you are driving in your car,
Looking at the colors passing bye
Think of me and I will be there.
When you are on a trip and you need a hand to hold,
Reach out, and I will be there.
You never have to be alone.
That is, if you only realize,
I will be there.

Bridges

There is this bridge swinging precariously in the wind. I watch as those going before me struggle to get across. Sometimes they slip; sometimes the even fall. A few fall straight off into the bottomless chasm beneath. I stand in my haze. There is a cloud surrounding me of everything that is holding me back…it is as if there are chains holding me down to the ground just laughing at me. I look for a way to shake the chains loose so I can give the bridge a shot. Nothing works…I cry out to God to loosen these chains…he is faithful. Now I’m free, but will I chance the bridge before me. I am allowed a peek as to what is on the other side, and I am not disappointed. It is God’s plan—His blueprint for my life. I am eager to get my hands on these blueprints because they hold the much obscured purpose for my struggles, but everything. Somehow I get loose and without hesitating I sprint across the bridge. I don’t even look beside me or below me. I simply run. I make it, and I pick up these prints. I can hardly believe that I’m actually holding them in my hand. They seem heavier than they should. I roll them out onto the ground. I feel God’s hand rest on my shoulder as he reads over me. Confused, I flip pages wondering why they are in a language I don’t understand…for that matter, I can’t even decide if it is a language. God ask me to flip through all the pages…puzzled, I simply follow his command. Each page presents the same confounding language, but one thing stands out. At each turn of the page, a new scene of my life is systematically mapped out with indecipherable words beside each. I quickly pick up the fact that the same few words are mentioned over and over. I ask God what these words mean. He tells me that these words actually are a phrase: the first one is you crying out, “Help me!” and the second one is me saying “you got it.” A tear streaks down my face as many of the scenes reveal the raw hurt that I carried around. God sees my distress and quickly shows me how much his grace was abounding when I had no clue. I get to the end of where my life is currently and flip through a few blank pages before giving God a puzzled look. He just smiles and tells me to turn to the end. I flip to the end and find that I need no words to understand what is before me. I am embracing God. He has his arms wrapped around me in love. Scattered around me are the chains each one significant of the struggles I was bound to wear on this earth. At my foot lies the thorn that God placed in my side. In my eyes rest the tears of understanding. In my arms is the savior that I have been waiting on. Tearily I turn back to God, he softly tells me, “you see Adam, it’s going to pay off.” I slowly rise. I start back across this bridge back into the world that chains me. As if on cue, I step back into my cloud of confusion and hurt, and immediately feel the burden of my struggles. I don’t lose heart this time. Something inside warms me. I feel God’s hand on my back, and I turn to see nothing. I know he’s there though. I walk with my head held high in spite of the thorn in my side. I’m a new man, a changing man, a pitiful man, an excellent example of grace, and most importantly, I’m God’s man.

Rough Edges

Rough edges are easily found around dark corners.

Smile

I would do anything to see you smile. You make me smile, and that says so much. A smile carries so much weight in exposing true emotions. When I see your smile, the day warms. Like the warmth of the sun, your smile radiates to those around you. Without your smile, my days aren't complete. You may not know how powerful your smile is, but let me be the first to tell you, it is profound. When words aren't available or simply aren't enough, a smile can translate what no amount of utterance could. So today, wherever you are, smile. When you can't smile, I'll smile for you.

Foundations

Be wary when your foundations begin to shake. It is quite alright to argue the tough stuff, but be diligent when rocking your foundations.

Spinning

What it when things start spinning.
There is bound to be a drain somewhere.

Inner Child

I see too versions of myself. I see the version of me that you see. As a passerby, you may notice me standing upright or slightly hunched, depending on the mood. You see a confident or slightly self conscious person, given my emotions. On a good day, you will catch my smile, and sometimes it may be directed at you. On a bad day, you might look into my eyes, and see the anxiety lying just beneath. If you are one of my good friends, you also see this version of me. You see me better than most though. You know when I have a bad day without me having to say it. It’s true that sometimes I will let you down, but you know I truly love you in spite of my actions sometimes. You may see me when I don’t see you, and I hope that you might catch a glimpse of the other me. I will leave that to a fate beyond myself. This first version of me, is the me I profess. I claim him. I am that guy. You see me confidently standing firm. I laugh robustly and try to warm most of the rooms I’m in. I work hard to make you feel loved. I hope this comes across. Then there is the me that no one knows well.
I see this other version of myself that only God truly knows. I see this little boy sitting in the corner. I see tears welling up in his eyes because of something someone said. I see him hang his head because he was hurt when one of his friends let him down. I see his anger when he can’t do things right. I see a little boy who wants desperately to be held. I see a boy that would do anything to get someone to love him the way he needs it. I see a boy that puts his self-worth on the line every time he takes a risk on someone. I see this little boy trying to grow up, but can’t because of himself. I see a little boy longing for something more. You may have seen this little boy in me at some point, but I do my best to keep him occupied. I keep him to myself mostly. I have learned how to suppress him. Yes, he can hinder me sometimes from saying the things I really wish I could, and yes, he sometimes reminds me just how hurtful someone’s words or actions can be. What am I supposed to do with him though? He’s my inner child, and he lives strong. God only knows what I would do without him. I like to think that this same inner child holds the key to my faith. Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, it takes the faith of a child? Maybe that’s some key to unlock the mystery of ourselves. What if this inner child, this version of ourselves that we try to hid, was the key to figuring out what it means to love without reserve, cry when people are watching, smile when we mean it, rush headlong into relationships, fall head over heals, and authentically care for those around us? Will we know? What does your inner child say to you? Have you grown so cynical and jaded that you can’t hear your inner child? I think he or she is there. If you listen long enough and think hard enough, wouldn’t you give anything to go back and be a kid again? Think about this. Faith of a child. Don’t ever become too grown up to realize that your inner child is there, and if you try to keep him or her away, they aren’t going to leave you. Think like a child today, and live as an adult. The two do not have to be separate.

Reality

Reality will set in at the most inopportune times. It always seems to be something that you could have probably figured, but for some reason your unconscious won't allow it to surface. So you go along in your blissful state wondering why the world is so peachy, and then all of the sudden, a car backfires and you are brought raging back to reality. It can happen to anyone really, and it takes many forms. For instance, reality can set in to the person that realizes that they can't in fact, have their cake and eat it too. Reality sets in to the accountant when he has checked his figures for the sixth time and come up with six different figures. Reality sets in for the crazed spender when his card comes back at the restaurant denied. To the alcoholic, reality shows it's face when he is found face down in a tepid puddle of his own vomit. To the drug addict, reality comes and joins him when he is shaking and trying to rip off his skin because he is going through withdrawals. With the slamming of the door, reality steps in the house as the mother, tears in her eyes, holds her child as the father walks out the door never to return. Reality sets in as a vacation from the daily grind comes closer to an end. Reality sets in when someone in a relationship is caught cheating. Reality sets in when you find yourself in the grips of a sin that you think has no end. What is your reality? Do any of these fit your reality? If not, then what is it? Know that reality doesn't have to be bad, and in fact, reality can spur action to make the right decision. Also know that when your reality sparks a decision, you aid someone Else's experience of reality. Reality will find you eventually...it's inevitable.

love will.

love will make you dizzy.
in fact, it will ruin you.
it has the power to warm.
it has the power to freeze.
gone right, love moves mountains.
gone wrong, love shatters emotions.
with love, life is amplified.
without love, life is numb.
try not to disguise your love.
you don't have to guess if you do.
love will.

Waiting

Why is waiting so hard? What is it about waiting on something that drives us as humans crazy? Is the build up of anxiety too great for some? Is there a pending sense of doom that drives us mad? What if we are hurt by waiting for something? What if the waiting is the purpose in the first place? Are you waiting?
What are you waiting for? Answers, mail, love, news, a call, a message, an email, healing, brokenness? Can you choose from one of these? Is yours different from the list? If so, what are you waiting on? Could it be that you don’t know what you are waiting on in the first place? Are you scared about the answers? I know that many times, answers scare me the most.
I’ll be honest, I feel like I’m waiting all the time. I’m waiting to figure out how someone feels. I’m waiting on answers from God. I’m waiting on mail from home. I’m waiting for healing. I’m waiting on love. I’m waiting on a friend. I’m waiting on definitions. I’m waiting for my heart to break.
There is so much I’m waiting on. What would it be like if we got answers immediately? Think about it. You are wondering one day if you will fall in love, and BAM, you get your answer immediately. She turns her head and says, “Can I fall in love with you.” He bumps into you and asks, “I was just thinking if I’d fall in love, and here you are.” How crazy would it be if things like that would happen?
I think much is learned about personal character during times of waiting. Your strength of character comes shining through. When you are forced to forget about something that you have no answer for, it is hard. You must cope. Coping produces a solution to an underlying problem. For me, I run, swim, or just do something crazy. It’s because I’m waiting. What if I used this time of waiting to trust in something real? What if God became the focus of times where I wait? Be it a few days, a few hours, a few years…you are going to be waiting. So lean on God during that time. It’s hard, and it doesn’t feel like the right thing, but in reality it’s the only thing. Why worry yourself with things that you can’t really control anyway? You should just relax. It’s all going to be okay.

there is...

there is so much I want to say.
there is so much I wish I knew.
there is so much of which i'm unsure.
there is breath in my lungs.
there is life in my emotions.
there is truth in my smile.
there is pain in my tears.
there is strength in an embrace.
this is life.

Penny on the Track

I am on this train.
It is picking up speed and has been for a while.
I can't seem to understand where it is taking me.
I have known for a long time that this train is moving too fast.
What am I supposed to do?
So for a while now, I have just held on.
But ahead, I can see something shiny.
I see it lying on the track.
It is a penny.
I know that if the train hits it,
It is going to derail.
The train progresses,
The penny does not come closer.
When will my train hit the penny?
What will the penny be?
I'm waiting...

Some quotes on love.

Here are some quotes on love...enjoy. identify. feel.

"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never . . . never forget it." --Curtis Judalet

"Someone has written, "Love is a verb." It requires doing - not just saying and thinking. The test is in what one does, how one acts, for love is conveyed in word and deed." --David B. Haight

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." --David Bissonette

"When you long with all your heart for someone to love you, a madness grows there that shakes all sense from the trees and the water and the earth. And nothing lives for you, except the long deep bitter want. And this is what everyone feels from birth to death." --Denton Welch

"There is no disguise that can for long conceal love where it exists or simulate it where it does not." -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Friends

clearly i should be studying, but this is what i'm doing instead...enjoy. 

His tears

Time stops as he enters the room.
All eyes are on him; the stage is his.
He walks wearily to the center of the stage.
His shoes click against the stage.
Someone stifles a cough in the audience.
The lights are warm on his skin.
He sits in the lone chair on stage.
He begins to cry. Tear after tear.
There are no words spoken.
Someone sniffs in the crowd.
Little by little people join the man on stage.
Soon the theater is filled with emotion.
His hurt is pouring out.
He quiets his crying.
He looks up through blurry vision.
“Thank you for listening to my story.”
He exits the stage the opposite way.
The audience makes no sound.
The curtain closes.
No one leaves the same way they came.

Let the Heart Not Love

I try to think of fancy ways to speak of ways my heart feels.
It’s all in vain because this pain speaks words I can’t express.
I told myself my heart would not love. There is no way I can.
Protecting my heart is number one, so I don’t bother with love.
I escape my hurt by masking it deep within myself.
This is not healthy I know, but what is one to do,
When he can not run away from the feelings he holds inside.
It’s true that love is a great thing, and at certain times I confess,
My heart does love in spite of the hold I try to keep on it.
In spite of the world may say, true love is hard to find.
Let the heart not love is what I say.
In doing this, you will keep yourself from harm.
Good luck in doing this though, the heart seems to have a mind of its own.

Still

God’s love runs purer than the clearest water you can find.

Drink deep in the refreshment of his cool waters of grace and peace.

Quiet your mind in the presence of his spirit.

Embrace the silence as his voice grows quiet.

A Single Storm

A single storm rages in the distance. There is something standing in the middle of this storm. All around is clear, but in the middle of the storm stands a young man. He is dripping wet as the wind and rain sweep around him. Even amidst the raging noise and un-clarity, the tears from his eyes are clearly visible. The salt in his tears drips down into the corner of his mouth as he quietly sobs in pain. The storm continues to rage, but another player steps into the scene. No words are spoken as the stranger reaches to put his arms around the man. The crying man receives the embrace and continues to cry now on the opposite’s shoulder. The storm rages, but it’s okay he is being held.

Bathroom Times

You know what I like? Those moments that you know exactly what is going to happen. Those time area amazing. For instance, you walk into a bothroom, and you know exactly what’s going to happen. Say that you have an exam in the next class you are headed to, or you are going to a meeting that could have bad implications, if you go to the bathroom before hand, you have at least 2-3 minutes of time where you know exactly what’s going on. You are going to relieve yourself in your various ways. Whether you are a sitter or stander, folder or buncher, it doesn’t matter. The goal is the same, and for that time frame, you are protected in your cocoon of relief for 2-3 minutes. That’s some good times.

A House Abandoned

The house stand vacant and abandoned in the middle of the field.
The snow covered ground is indicative of the season.
The frost on the windows creeps confidently toward the center of the glass.
A door slides open with the wind encouraging it along.
The stairs to the upper level protest the icy wind as it sweeps upward.
The door to the bedroom blows open as an invitation to look inside.
Swirling around the room are papers from a children's coloring book,
The wind constantly blowing them helplessly.
The window slams shut, and the papers float to the ground.
The wind sucks backwards until the front door slams shut.
Alone. The house has locked itself away.
Flash!
Warm laughter fills the room as the fire crackles with delight.
Children run around the kitchen and up the stairs squealing.
A mother beckons her husband to sit beside her on the couch.
The guests are full, and the hostesses is proud.
A job well done.
Dessert is served as stories from the past with laughter as a garnish.
The guests grow tired as the host and hostesses began saying goodbyes.
With coats and scarfs and gloves adorned, they began their long trek home.
The husband looks at his wife and smiles. She returns the gesture.
They lock their hands as they walk up the stairs to tuck themselves away.
Flash!
The house shivers as it lets out a cry.
No more warmth to keep it alive.
The days are long, and the nights are longer.
The house were we once grew is slowly dying.
It will soon match the two gravestones off to the side.
The wind reminds the house that death is at hand.
The frost grows its final inch to cover the windows completely.
The house no longer makes a noise but quietly settles in peace.
Alone.